Every four years, I gotta do it. So here's my 2016 plea to the gym gods. Any additional requests? Get them in now because competition starts tomorrow!
Oh gym gods, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee 4 years ago by assuming Jordyn would qualify to AA. I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of 5-member teams and the pains of Romania’s future. I firmly resolve, with the help of Baraksanova’s grace, to confess my favorite gymnast's form breaks, to do oversplits, and to amend my knowledge of the code.
Mighty gym gods. You mock us. You laugh. You know what you have planned and that we have no idea. We submit that you are going to have some fun with us and direct some event off course that we never could have foreseen. We cannot stop you, but still, we plead-
1. Please no serious injuries. From ill-advised triple fronts, bad water, or otherwise. Please keep everyone safe.
2. Please no stupid deductions- as in ones that don’t apply to the routines performed. Let no one go before the green light, or illegally practice on the
podium, or whatever other frustrating scoring surprise you think would just be a kick in the pants while you’re up there in the heavens playing UncleTim's
drinking game.
3. Please no medals with falls. I know this is a lot to ask in this day and age but c’mon.
4. For the love of Aly, let’s not do ties this time, okay? Different scores, different people.
5. A Balance Beam final where 5 gymnasts actually hit? Yes, oh gym gods, we are asking for a MIRACLE.
Our Stalder, who art in heaven, hollowed-out be thy name. Thy competition come, thy will be done, on balance beam as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily streaming and forgive us our facts as we forgive those who post opinions contrary to ours. And lead us not into the temptation to respond to trolls, but deliver us from the evil of a derailed thread. For thine is the competition arena, the power and the glory, forever and ever, Nemov (It’s Russian for Amen).
Prayer to the Gym Gods of Rio
Oh gym gods, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee 4 years ago by assuming Jordyn would qualify to AA. I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of 5-member teams and the pains of Romania’s future. I firmly resolve, with the help of Baraksanova’s grace, to confess my favorite gymnast's form breaks, to do oversplits, and to amend my knowledge of the code.
Mighty gym gods. You mock us. You laugh. You know what you have planned and that we have no idea. We submit that you are going to have some fun with us and direct some event off course that we never could have foreseen. We cannot stop you, but still, we plead-
1. Please no serious injuries. From ill-advised triple fronts, bad water, or otherwise. Please keep everyone safe.
2. Please no stupid deductions- as in ones that don’t apply to the routines performed. Let no one go before the green light, or illegally practice on the
podium, or whatever other frustrating scoring surprise you think would just be a kick in the pants while you’re up there in the heavens playing UncleTim's
drinking game.
3. Please no medals with falls. I know this is a lot to ask in this day and age but c’mon.
4. For the love of Aly, let’s not do ties this time, okay? Different scores, different people.
5. A Balance Beam final where 5 gymnasts actually hit? Yes, oh gym gods, we are asking for a MIRACLE.
Our Stalder, who art in heaven, hollowed-out be thy name. Thy competition come, thy will be done, on balance beam as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily streaming and forgive us our facts as we forgive those who post opinions contrary to ours. And lead us not into the temptation to respond to trolls, but deliver us from the evil of a derailed thread. For thine is the competition arena, the power and the glory, forever and ever, Nemov (It’s Russian for Amen).
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